I am, like most everyone I know, a bit on edge. I have not slept like a proper human being for a month now. The kidnappings, deaths, rioting, bombs, and war do that. I, like everyone, try to laugh everything off, as much as possible. But when 4 in morning rolls around and I am frantically still checking the news because I can’t sleep, the laughter fades away.
The laughter fades away when I think about my 11 year old niece running to her home’s bomb shelter.
The laughter fades away when my husband’s brother, Joshie, has to run out in the morning, to print out pictures of the family to put up in his tank because he has been called up…a day after he was supposed to be released from the army.
The laughter fades away.
The laughter fades away when my husband tells me that he wishes he didn’t have type 1 diabetes -not for himself -but so he can protect his younger brother on the front-lines. And me quietly thanking God that he can’t.
The images of the masses protesting in London, Boston, Paris, all around the world against my home, my people, my brothers-in-arms – sets my blood on fire. I have to go to work. Focus. Bomb is shot down over Ashdod, where my aunts and uncles live. Breathe.
Siren goes off. Wake up. Don’t post too much about rockets falling- people will zone you out – they don’t care all that much. Maybe I should post soccer scores or pictures of cats instead. Rockets head towards Haifa at 3 in the morning. Call your sister. Rockets head towards Modi’in. Laugh it off. Call your other sister. Make fun of how stupid the new operation’s name “Protective Edge” is -sounds like a name for a condom. Keep calm. Don’t think. Go to work. Focus. Exchange stories of worry and laughter over coffee. Don’t look at the news again. Don’t think about the soldiers in Gaza. Don’t think about Joshie in his tank- with his laminated photos of us. Focus.
Okay. Maybe one last post.