The rare convergence of Hanukkah and Thanksgiving got a lot more popular exposure Wednesday night when Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report” included a special report called “Thanksgiving Under Attack.” And oy, is it funny.
After boasting about his gravy kayak, straightman Stephen Colbert launches into a hilarious op-ed on Hannukah’s attack on “America’s sacred day dedicated to hearing Nana’s unvarnished opinions on Filipinos.”
“How dare you Hannukah! These two holidays have nothing in common. Hannukah celebrates the struggle of an oppressed people’s fight against invading conquerors, while Thanksgiving is about our healthy and nurturing relationship with the Indians.”
“Pretty soon schoolkids will think Thanksgiving started when the Wampanoags sat down with the Maccabees and the yams lasted for eight nights!”
Demonstrating how horrible this convergence is, Colbert exclaims, “And now, instead of drawing a hand turkey, we’ll be expected to draw a hand menorah.”
‘The shamosh is not straight,’ says Colbert. (photo credit: screenshot)
It’s impossible, he explains, because you need both hands to draw the menorah.
Placing a Sharpie in his mouth, Colbert attempts to outline his hands.
Seeing the result he says in slightly mispronounced Hebrew, ”That sucks! The shamosh is not straight, I’m sorry.”
In what feels like an unscripted moment, Colbert sniffs the Sharpie, making a mini Hitler-esque black mark right under his nose.
Colbert’s mini Hitler-esque mustache (photo credit: screenshot)
“Oh, that’s not good. That’s bad form,” he says and tries to wipe it off.
“I can’t believe I’m discussing Hanukkah and I drew a mustache right there!”
Turning serious again, Colbert says, “I have never ever trusted Hannukah. If it doesn’t have anything to hide, why does it have so many aliases?”
Finishing up the sketch, a self-righteous Colbert says, “And you know what? CHanukka? [stressing the ch] I’ve CHad it up to CHere with your CHoCHbloCHing our holidays.”
