Wednesday, April 1, 2015

PARODY: Elder Of Ziyon - Israel News: Passover Hagaddah Conclusion “Next Year in Jerusalem” Deemed Unhelpful by Obama Administration

WASHINGTON (AP) — The White House Administration has registered "deep disappointment" in the refusal of the Israeli Prime Minster Benjamin Netanyahu to tone down "hostile and aggressive language" of the Passover religious service. 

An unidentified Israeli official has confirmed that President Obama delivered a harshly worded message to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu which included a strong request that the upcoming Passover holiday not include the familiar refrain of “next year in Jerusalem”, citing the passage as provocative and unhelpful for future peace discussions.

White House sources also confirmed the story. "To have millions of Jews referring to Jerusalem as part of their heritage is an affront to the Palestinians, not to mention a slap in the face to President Obama himself who has worked tirelessly for peace despite Israeli intransigence on requests like this one."

The Administration suggested replacing it with “next year in Haifa” or “next year in peace”, reportedly Mr. Obama's choice. The final wording would best be decided in negotiations between Israel and the Palestinian Authority according to the White House source. If the two sides cannot agree on the specific wording, the United Nations General Assembly would be tasked with choosing the most appropriate conclusion to the Passover service.

In a related story, the British Advertising Standards Authority has mandated that the British Library remove the pages of the illuminated Haggadahs in their collections that have the offending phrase "Next Year in Jerusalem," saying that those pages give the impression that Jerusalem has something to do with the Jewish state. 

I hate that I have to say this, but yes, this is a joke.

(somewhat modified from an original piece by Andrew Bloom)